Day 21: Hoi An today, gone tomorrow

Our last day in Hoi An, and L’s birthday (age unspecified). We kicked off with our standard hotel breakfast, though I had to stop and post a picture as it seems, following yesterday’s pic, a significant amount of dragon fruit envy out there. I hadn’t realised as, other than looking absolutely alien on the outside, the inside edible part is somewhere between kiwifruit and watermelon, not a strong taste, and lots of little black seeds. We’ve been having it almost every day on our trip.

We took a boat ride along the river, paddled by a woman who was certainly no spring chicken, but I’m not game to arm wrestle. We managed to haggle down below 100k each, which is a pretty good price, so it must have been a quiet morning. It was certainly a hot morning, as the sun appeared and the humidity climbed. There were tantalising whisps of breeze, but sadly not enough to cool us. Given the heat, I ended up paying the lady 200k for us both, as she earned it. I got a bit sunburnt today, so when I present my British passport at the airport tomorrow they will have no doubts as to my nationality.

Back on shore we paused for a tall cool glass of sugarcane juice, something we haven’t had much of on this trip. It certainly hit the spot, and then we went looking for more shopping — L had a hunch where the local Mekong Quilts shop was, and while she’s been spot on every other time, this time the compass was off. We did however find the As-Seen-On-TeeVee-With-Anthony-Bourdain(tm) Phuong Banh Mi. It’s the one with the queue of tourists out front (did I mention As-Seen-On-TeeVee-With-Anthony-Bourdain(tm), because this store doesn’t want you to forget it. And it’s a good sandwich — the meat was a little chewier than Banh Mi Queen, the bread not as fresh but it was Sunday and maybe bakers get a day off, there was more filling, mostly herbs and salad, and the price was the same, VND20k.

I like Anthony Bourdain. I have most of his books (and read them too), seen much of his tv, and think he’s spot on a lot of the time. This time, I think he might have actually done harm to the humble banh mi. It’s a good sandwich, with decent and fresh ingredients, but it’s not a very substantial sandwich. I don’t know what a banh mi was like before Anthony Bourdain, whether they had any more filling, and whether for $1.20AUD I should expect more filling, but the big name banh mi are being churned out at a rate where there can’t be any loving preparation, only a production line. I also had a banh mi today at our hotel, unordered and unexpected, and you know what, it was as good as the big names. And from what I’ve seen, and all I know about Vietnam, there will be good banh mi at many other stalls in Hoi An. Banh mi not rushed in preparation, not churned out, and made with ingredients just as fresh and just as tasty. So come to Hoi An, and don’t be afraid to have a sandwich anywhere.

While I’m kind of ranting about food, and probably more on Anthony Bourdain’s wavelength, the best banh xeo of the trip were those from the small stall, with no menu, just fresh off the frying pan onto our plate. That’s what good food is about.

Anyway, after the sandwich it was pampering time, so L found a spa that would colour in her finger- and toe-nails, and I went in search of a shave. The first place was a disaster, where a friendly but ultimately useless clown waved the electric clippers over my face, took off half my beard, left stubble everywhere, and then charged me VND100k for the privilege. So I found another, one we’ve been walking past everyday that we’ve been calling Obama’s barber, as they have his picture out the front. For VND70k the guy neatened up the mess the clown left, made me smooth with the cutthroat razor, gave me a quick head massage, and sploshed me with aftershave (Brut 33, but you can’t have everything).

The hotel had been busy. On our return we were asked to wait, while they brought out an amazingly decorated birthday cake for L. They also decorated our bed with flower petals. We shared the cake with some children (possibly related to the managers, I’m not sure) who have hopefully now crashed from the sugar high of the frosting. The hotel have set up a juice bar out the front, so we had redbean and matcha with milk after L had a swim and I dunked my feet.

Then we hit the town for dinner, and L’s last fitting. The fitting took a little longer than expected, but as a bonus, her dresses now have pockets. Dinner was at a bbq restaurant, and we went the set menu. The appetisers were fairly typical Hoi An, white roses (I’m now willing to proclaim these to be officially underwhelming, a total victory for style over substance), deep fried spring rolls (always good, we haven’t had a bad one yet), and banh xeo (where the waiter explained we’d been eating them wrong because we didn’t open the pancake up before adding the filling, not that this makes any difference to the taste or eating experience, and as noted previously these were not as good as previous pancakes).

The mains were some very flavourful beef chunks on a stick, cooked well and served with a very tasty dipping sauce, and a claypot eggplant stew, also delicious. Dessert was a selection of fruit, though lacking dragonfruit.

Now we’re back at the hotel, packed, about to set alarms as we have an 8.30am pickup tomorrow, flying Danang to Singapore, a few hours there, then Singapore to home. We had a couple of videocalls with home today, and while it’s been great, it’s definitely time to sleep in our own beds, surrounded by our pets.